Unfortunately the art of pleasure is rarely (if ever) taught formally or in school. So, for many women the idea of sex is purely biological. We're taught at an early age that our bodies (and our genitalia) are made for reproduction and we're warned against the potential violation of sexual assault and sexually transmitted diseases.
What's often fundamentally missing from this conversation is the topic of PLEASURE and how our pleasure centers work! It is essential that we take a sexual inventory of ourselves, our feelings, our bodies, and our relationship with pleasure to know what our boundaries are and where pleasure lies.
Earlier this month, I facilitated a great conversation at Women Uncorked (a monthly meet-up for women to mingle, drink wine and talk about sex) on the topic of COMMUNICATION: How do you talk to your partner about sex?
At the meeting, I shared Scarleteen's more extensive Sexual Inventory Stocklist as well as a new tool I've developed for my Couples Pleasure Mapping and 50 Shades of Play workshops: Yes/No/Maybe/Fantasy Checklists. Below is the checklist from my Couples Pleasure Mapping class:
I like to think of this list as menu for sexual play. At first glance, (especially if you're not a kinkster) the list is a bit graphic, but it's great for privately exploring your sexual preferences. This list isn't something you'd post on your social media or swap with strangers on the street, but if you're looking to understand and develop your own personal relationship with pleasure, or share your fantasies and pleasure preferences with a trusted partner, a Yes/No/Maybe list like this one can be a good place to start.
If you're not sure how to start the conversation with your partner about what turns you on (and what doesn't!), try completing this list yourself and using it as a starting point or book my Couples Pleasure Mapping Workshop for a guided, in-depth exploration experience with your partner!
Looking for something more spicy? Trust me, this list is vanilla compared to my BDSM Checklist. Book my 50 Shades of Play: Introduction to Kink workshop to learn more and kick it up a notch!