“Me time”
“Stroking the salami”
“Yanking your chain”
“Jacking off”
“Touching yourself”
“Wank”
Masturbation: so many euphemisms, so little time. But they all mean the same thing: the act of self-pleasuring your physical erogenous zones, often to the point of sexual climax.
If I think back far enough, the first time I was ever exposed to the idea of masturbation was in the early 2000’s when the American Pie series was released. Although I haven’t seen it in years, unsurprisingly the part that stood out the most to my impressionable, naive, innocent young brain is the scene where one of the main male characters accidentally ejaculates onto his crush’s childhood teddy bear. My three immediate takeaways after watching that scene were: that masturbation was something that should be kept a secret, was often an embarrassing behavior, and something men [only] did. Since I did not receive the ‘birds and the bees talk from my parents’ as a kid I was left to figure out sex from other sources throughout my childhood, teenage, and adult years.
Does this sound familiar? If so, you’re in good company because holy cow: an entire generation of kids should not have had to grow up with American Pie as our sex education. Yikes. Even with caregivers who did have the cajones to talk about sex, it likely- and I’m just spitballing here- did not include conversations about masturbation and/or pleasure. But why- Where did this taboo come from? How are we such a sex-obsessed society and yet we can’t talk about pleasure and masturbation with ourselves, let alone *gasp* with a partner? Turns out, there are several reasons why masturbation is a topic our culture is just beginning to come to terms with (pun definitely intended). So whether you’re just beginning to get curious about masturbation, or you are a complete pro, thankfully as a society we are learning more about the benefits of “flickin’ the bean.” Ironically, this re-education around masturbation is a bit full circle because humans didn’t always think self-pleasure was taboo.
Historically, masturbation (and sex in general) in many cultures across the world was a part of life and had widespread societal acceptance. Ancient civilizations depict figures participating in sexual acts not only during ritualistic convergences, but as a part of life. Sex outside of marriage, public sex, and self-sex were the natural order of things. Sex was a primal instinct— an act that could, and should be enjoyed among willing participants. It wasn’t until our relatively modern interpretations of major religions that it became a taboo subject. Masturbation started to get a bad reputation as early as the 4th century when spiritual leaders began to use religious teaching to make a case against pleasure-oriented sex. While there are differences of opinions amongst religious scholars, many mainstream views of Islam, Judaism, and Christianty cite some sort of sexual discretion and/or repression as paramount to the sacredness of the union of two people; not to mention a person’s soul in the afterlife. Sexual desire, sexual fantasy and wet dreams were off the table. For many- this was reason enough to abstain from so-called “illicit behavior” both outside- and oftentimes even within- marriage. #purityculture.
Religion notwithstanding, science also had a pretty strong stance against masturbation- particularly in the 18th and 19th centuries. Take Dr. John Harvey Kellogg from Michigan, for instance. In his book Plain Facts for Old and Young: Embracing the Natural History and Hygiene of Organic Life, published in 1877, Kellogg postured that sex and masturbation caused at least 30 ailments of the physical body including mood swings, acne, epilepsy and more. Convinced that diet played a large part in these undesirable thoughts and behaviors, he aspired to create a food so boring it would quell any sexual desire whatsoever.
<<Kellogg Cornflakes has now entered the chat.>>
Yup, hate to break it to you: your childhood cereal was meant to keep you dulled of any proclivities for salacious extracurriculars. (And yet the mascot of that particular cereal is a cock? Irony abounds). Thankfully sex-positive science started to catch around the 20th century and has continued its trajectory into the 21st century.
Around the mid-20th century, health professionals began publishing literature around sex that didn’t allege that acts such as masturbation caused physiological damage. A big shift came in 1975 when the WHO offered a more holistic concept of sexual health. The new paradigm broadened the definition of sexual health to include the “enhancement of life and personal relationships” as opposed to solely focusing on the biological aspects of sex (procreation and STDs). This new approach to sexuality was a much-needed precursor to the HIV/AIDs epidemic that closely followed in the 1980’s. During this time, masturbation was encouraged as a safe alternative to partnered sex (and who could forget the glorious pamphlet that NYC produced in 2020 encouraging masturbation instead of partnered sex)! The idea that there was a more inclusive approach to sex education primed the work of Betty Dodson, who in addition to writing about masturbation, starting leading workshops as well! Sexologist Alfred Kinsey went so far as to publish findings supporting this shift in public attitudes towards masturbation. By the mid-20th century, 90% of men and 62% of women in his studies claimed to masturbate. Hallelujah!
This is great news for people who decide to explore self-pleasure because there are a plethora of proven health benefits associated with masturbation. In addition to the lower risk of pregnancy and STD transmission of solo-sex, there are several physiological benefits as well. The “happy” hormones that are released during sex and masturbation- largely dopamine and oxytocin- not only make you feel good, but they assist in better sleep and help relieve stress. Double whammy! And while “you are your safest sex partner”, taking the time for self-exploration can also improve dynamics in partnered sex. Knowing what you like and don’t like because you’ve tried it yourself already can better assist you in communicating your needs and wants to your partner: where things feel good, what pressure feels right, and the pace that will get you begging for more. However, it’s important to keep in mind, dear reader, that masturbation does not always need to end in climax. Simply slowing down and mindfully mapping out your different erogenous zones is a great way to produce similar effects to even the most mind-blowing sex session.
But of course, you don’t need to gift wrap the idea of masturbation as “self-pleasure” and “wellness” either: if you’re horny- just do it! Reduced menstrual cramps, the clearing out of bacteria, and improved pelvic muscular strength just happen to be amazing bonuses. The only “rule” of masturbation is that you feel safe, and that you feel good. If that means some days you start slow, start slow! Other days it might take some assistance with a partner, porn (ethical, please!), or toys- but there is no “better” or “worse” way to masturbate as long as it feels right to you. Consider this your permission slip: if you want to masturbate, masturbate. If you don’t want to masturbate, don’t masturbate. That is the joy of the sex-positive movement: YOU GET TO CHOOSE.
The stigma surrounding masturbation in our human history goes deep, so it’s no surprise that people still have a difficult time talking about it and experimenting with it. Religious pressures and early scientific misinformation led people to believe that masturbation was unwise and unhealthy. Heck- even if I hadn’t seen American Pie all those years ago, there would still have been plenty of places I would have gotten the message that masturbation was dirty, something to be kept a secret, and certainly not “lady-like”. Only recently have we as a society begun to find evidence to the contrary. Thankfully, better technology and more accurate education around sexual health have busted many of the masturbation myths that still lurk in outdated research studies, parents’ old bookshelves, and centuries-old religious texts. It is imperative these initiatives continue so that we do not subjecting further generations to poor sex-education. If you want to learn more, you can visit Kinsey Institute who most recently have been tracking sexual behaviors amongst adults during the recent COVID-19 pandemic. Yours truly even partook in a few of them! Sex is simply a part of life, and that includes masturbation. So set aside some you-time, get yourself comfortable, and self-pleasure to your heart’s content.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Erin York is a 2021 Sexpert Fellow and considers herself a life enthusiast and curiosity-follower. When not thinking about the pleasure positive lifestyle, she can be found frequenting the foodie hot-spots in Washington DC, and enjoying the great outdoors. This article was published as a part of our fellowship program and the views and opinions expressed here belong solely to the author.